It's truly heart-warming to see mental health being openly discussed on various media platforms. The visibility and openness can help break down the stigmas that many of us have silently battled against for too long.
It's a relief to know that conversations about anxiety, self-doubt, and other mental health challenges are becoming more common, encouraging people to speak up and seek help, knowing they're not alone in their struggles. Amid our daily hustle, it can feel incredibly isolating to think that no one else could possibly understand what we're going through. This feeling alone can make the weight of our problems feel even heavier. When people choose to share their personal stories and struggles, it does more than just fill silence; it bridges gaps. Hearing someone else share feelings or experiences that resonate with our own can light up a path that was previously shrouded in darkness, showing us that others have walked similar paths and have found ways to feel better and create a life where they trust in themselves more. In my work with clients, we talk about how sharing their experiences can help them feel less alone and begin to trust themselves more. It's a gentle reminder that our stories deserve to be heard and can also help others feel less isolated. I know that recognising when someone is struggling can be tough, and it's understandable that we can, at times, wish there was some kind of label. Because then we would know for sure and could take action quickly. Where to start? Remember to keep the conversation open about what you've just watched or seen. It's important to acknowledge and normalize reaching out for help. Instead of asking lots of questions, try to be curious about opinions and feelings towards something on the screen, rather than someone you are worried about. They are likely to observe how you are responding to this, and sharing may come later. Have you watched a documentary or on screen problem recently, that has left you wanting to understand something in your life with more clarity. I can help you. Imagine you're a tourist, you've just arrived in town it's your first time here. You are full of excitement, energised and alert. You really want to get stuck in - it's a place you have wanted to visit for ages!. When you are in an unfamiliar place, you may feel more vulnerable and disoriented not sure of your way around. You might be bursting for the toilet or even in need of a good coffee after your travel. Many of us can do this. This a quick question with little need to overthink because we approach it with a what possibly could go wrong attitude. They will have a wealth of knowledge or not be able to help. Whatever the outcome nothing crazy is likely to happen. Wait, what if we bumped into someone who was also heading to the coffee shop and offered to show us the way? As we start walking together, we engage in a casual conversation, asking questions like how long are you planning to stay here and what are your plans for the day. You are pretty similar and find that you might even be attending some of the same events. It's all really easy going time goes quickly. I know what you are going to say, I don't have the confidence. I hear you but believe you do. You have the confidence and courage within you, even if you may not realise it. In fact, you have already demonstrated it by taking action. Don't doubt yourself, trust in your abilities. When venturing into the tourist world it often brings to the forefront a whirlwind of emotions, especially for those who struggle with the daunting task of having conversation in unfamiliar territories. The thought alone can stir a pot of anxiety, a feeling all too familiar. There's this nagging self-distrust that whispers, "What if I can't make myself understood?" or "What if I misinterpret something crucial?" Don't lose sight just yet. Who said you have to go to a different country, you don't even have to go to another country. You could simply go to a town a few miles away. There's always someone around. This would allow you to engage in conversation. How do I approach it? 1) Decide what you fancy doing? 2) Choose an area you would like to explore? 3) Have a plan in place for getting there? 4) Once you are there, put your tourist hat on (it doesn't have to be an actual hat unless you want it to be, of course and get going). There is no right or wrong way to tour remember! If you want to wear your tourist hat more often and have more confidence starting conversations. I can help. When thinking about the words steady yourself. What comes to mind?
Stopping ourselves from falling over, not drinking too much or making sure we are all ready for our next family dinner. If we are to steady ourselves, this comes from understanding that life is a series of ebbs and flows, of highs and lows, and that it's okay to wobble, to not always have it all figured out. I love working with clients who want to connect more with their inner selves and develop a more compassionate inner voice. Together, we can transform negative self-talk and self-sabotage into a kinder and more supportive inner dialogue, one that feels like a good friend. Some days feels like we have it covered, everything is going as we expected. Nothing out of the ordinary or any hidden surprises. On other days it feels like we are riding waves of uncertainty Finding balance in life often feels like walking a tightrope, especially when you're grappling with feelings of anxiety and self-doubt. We all face moments in life when we feel like we're at the bottom of a mountain, unsure if we have the strength to make it to the top. It can be overwhelming, with your heart racing and doubts creeping in at every step. The fear of failure can be terrifying especially if you've committed to doing something with friends or loved ones. But remember, finding balance is not about avoiding challenges. It's about learning to trust yourself, recognising your own strength and resilience, and taking risks even when your inner voice is telling you otherwise. It's okay to feel scared or overwhelmed, and that you're not alone in those feelings. We have all been there feeling like we are standing at the bottom of a mountain not sure if we have the physical power to get to the top, wondering what to do next, your heart racing as you question every decision, every step you take. The fear of failing seems so real. You've agreed to do this with your friends and don't want to let them down. But here's the thing—balance is not about avoiding the challenge, it's about learning to trust yourself, to believe that you have the strength and the resilience to take risks, even when the critical voice inside your head is trying to convince you not to begin. The journey to self-trust and balance is fraught with challenges. It's a path littered with questions and uncertainties. "Am I doing the right thing?" "What if I fall or don't make it to the top?" These thoughts can be overwhelming, an internal radio that drowns out the quiet voice of confidence within you. But remember, it's okay to feel this way. It's a part of being human. The key is not to silence these thoughts but to acknowledge them, to listen, and to gently remind yourself that you are capable. The ebbs and flows in life teach us we can make it through, we can attempt those things we never imagined we would have the courage to. It's about finding moments of peace within the chaos, taking a deep breath; grounding ourselves in the world around us staying in the present. Practice self-compassion, allow yourself to make mistakes, and drop the need to know everything and to have it all worked out yesterday. If you need help, steadying yourself, if you have lost your balance, feeling like the mountains of life are much steeper than they've felt before. I'm here to support you. Are you in your late 20's or even reached your 30's, do you ever feel like time is slipping away from you?
The pressure of age and the ticking of the social clock can be overwhelming at times. It's natural to want to keep up with expectations of society, but it's important to remember that everyone's journey is different. So take a deep breath, relax, and remember you're on your own unique path. If this is you, have you ever noticed the immense societal pressure that exists to follow a social clock? It appears to be constantly ticking and if you allow it, it's easy to become fixated on the opinions of others regarding where you should be and what you should be doing at your current age. Feeling overwhelmed with the expectations of others can be disheartening. It can feel like a burden that's impossible to lift, like being submerged in a sea of obligations that aren't your own. Sometimes, it can be easy to lose sight of what you want and your dreams. This can make you feel insignificant and confused about your direction in life. It's important to remember who you are and stay true to yourself. The crazy bit... The opinions of those closest to us often matter the most. It can be challenging to balance our own perceptions with the views that others hold about our lives. Sometimes, we feel a nagging sensation in the back of our minds that we should care about the beliefs of those around us. After all, they want what's best for us. I'm going to guess now.
Where does the pressure of the social clock come from? The biggest, in my belief, is comparing ourselves. We often compare something we like about another person with something we wish we had ourselves. It's a quick way of deciding if we are good enough or not. This happens without much effort or evaluation. We see something we like about someone else's life and wish we had it too, without realising that we're different people with different paths and timelines. We probably don't know all of the details, the back story. Many of us are comparing something we like about another person with something we dislike about ourselves Timelines have a place, probably for meeting a deadline at work, this makes sense because there are usually different ways of approaching a task but the end goal is the same. The same can't be said when we are making decisions about our life and future. We shouldn't feel rushed to achieve certain things by a certain age, because everyone's journey is unique and there's no one "right way" to live life. If you would like some support with managing expectations and pressure. If someone were to ask me if I watch films, my immediate answer would be "No!" I have trouble concentrating on one thing at a time, especially with films. However, that statement is not entirely true. It depends on what I could learn from the film. They have been a lifesaver During my training as a therapist, my tutors often spoke about resources, including textbooks, academic journals, and reading. With all the best intentions, I tried to apply myself to these resources, but I found it tough to learn or take anything in. It is amazing how films can so effortlessly help things make sense. I remember once writing a journal entry after watching Billy Elliot and applying counselling theories to it. Thankfully for me not so much for those I watch films with. This has never stopped! Note I don't get much company to the cinema. Films can be the starting point for so many conversations, they are so relatable. How many of us have watched Inside Out? I have and loved it. Riley has five major emotions — Joy, Sadness, Fear, Anger and Disgust in her mind that work together to help guide her as they do all of us in managing change in our lives and the world around us or in ourselves. Maybe you are more of an X - men fan. Whatever works for you is good with me. (You might be surprised with what I know) If you struggle with the idea of sitting in a room talking to someone, let me reassure you, that therapy doesn't have to look like this, we can work in ways that are more suited to you. Many reading this blog might have first thought I am talking to men who drink alcohol.
We know men have different ways of coping and a weekly pub visit might be their Friday thing to de-stress and unwind that's not my focus here. and some might choose to visit the pub every week as a way to unwind I'm talking about hitting the bottle not so much in the physical sense instead hitting the bottle, metaphorically. They often put their feelings and emotions in a bottle and tightly screw on the lid so there's no chance of spills or leaks because we all know what mess that would make. Let's imagine for a second a bottle of emotions and mixed feelings - by bottling them up. Rather than expressing their feelings, they lock them away tightly to avoid any potential emotional outbursts which might lead to a mess. Growing up do you remember asking your parents to play a board game and being met with a No I've got loads of stuff I still need to do. We'll play it another time ok? Bottling up the sadness you felt, knowing there is little success in trying to persuade them. As an adult you are always the one asked to do favours at work, cover staff shortages and work your ass off to meet deadlines, keeping management quiet. You overhear someone say ask [...]they'll give you a hand with that. [...] knows how to do that, go run it past them. You recognise you are feeling frustrated but feel you can't show your outrage in front of people because of people. There's where the feeling goes, into the bottle. It's probably seen as a sign of maturity without much thought about where the emotions have gone. The situation has been and gone nothing more to say on the matter right? I say there's a lot still to be said actually. What about the message conveyed by language. It speaks to our values, opinions, and needs, and the role that emotions play in shaping our inner world. Emotions guide our actions, shape our perceptions, and help us form relationships with others." Bottling up means to hide real thoughts and feelings to avoid burdening others with our stuff. Keeping our thoughts and emotions to ourselves. It can be a way to protect those around us. However, just like a fizzy drink, it can only hold so much before the pressure builds up and the lid pops off unexpectedly. This can create a storm of emotions that have been confined for too long. It's important to acknowledge our feelings and find healthy ways to express them rather than letting them brew inside. Remember that it's okay to ask for help and support from those who care about you. If you need support understanding your emotions and how to manage them. I have helped men to be able to talk more freely about their feelings and can offer the same to you. We are all well aware of the amount of time we spend at work. We need to be there to bring in the money. It needs to be done but where is the fun in that?
As adults, we often lose that sense of fun because most of our time adulting. I'm not even sure if this is even a term but I've definitely seen it thrown around on social media. If it's good enough there then it's good enough here. If I asked how many of you as children spent your time climbing trees, collecting insects or things off the floor to take pictures. We forget to have fun as adults. We fill our time with family, work and all of the stuff in between we can lose sight of doing something for ourselves. When we connect with our fun side that little boy or girl that still lives inside of us. It lowers our stress levels, lifts our mood and believe it or not improves our productivity. We might even find ourselves raring to go. Let's feel good Doing something that we enjoy allows us to free ourselves from adult duties and responsibilities even if only for a short time. It also helps to release endorphins that help us feel happier. Get moving Many of us spend most sitting for longer periods than we'd like, really needing to give ourselves a stretch maybe this could call for a more active hobby. If we can find an outlet for our stress, reduce the cortisol and have fun it's a win-win. We all need to let go sometimes and tap into those activities that offer us enjoyment. It doesn't have to be a sport it might be working on your, car. If you enjoy being in nature picking up your camera, taking some snaps and editing them. Our view of fun matters We see fun as a distraction from all that we have to do, putting it on the back burning because it can wait. If we view fun as something that offers distraction, it isn't quite the same as fun being essential to our wellbeing and wellness. What did fun look like for you growing up and how might it look now? I love a game of monopoly myself but I know its not everyone's thing Taking time for ourselves can be difficult, maybe you want to but don't know where to start. I can help you to feel better about yourself, to invest in you. Do you snooze or lose? Many would agree that sleep naturally occurs at the end of the day. Some of us may even find ourselves dozing off before reaching our beds, opting to unwind by sitting down, relaxing, and watching some mindless TV. It isn't this simple. We can find ourselves tossing, turning rolling the bed night after night. The more of a struggle sleep becomes, the more stressed we feel. We often find ourselves caught in the relentless cycle of tossing and turning, unable to find peace in the quiet of the night. This struggle isn't just about closing our eyes and drifting off—it's about the battle within, where every attempt to rest feels like another step into the room of restlessness. The bedroom, instead of being a haven of tranquillity, becomes a stage for a nightly performance of unease and discomfort. We can even become somewhat fixated, and frustrating and even 'beat ourselves up' for the place we find ourselves in. We don't always know the reasons for this...even if we did we might not always be in control and able to do anything to change stuff. Whatever the why. All poor sleepers face their sleep-wake cycle being disrupted. Did you know... Our brain learns through repetition it grows neural pathways, and it allows us to learn, unlearn and also sometimes relearn. This applies to the kind of learning that we experience when we are tying shoelaces and also when studying times tables as a child. The memory we hold influences how we behave and you could say approach situations. Sometimes we get fixated and frustrated with our current situation, even blaming ourselves for it. I often talk to clients about how they approach stressful nights trying to sleep, many own ' beating themselves up' Regardless of the reasons, all poor sleepers encounter disruptions in their sleep-wake cycle. It's fascinating, isn't it? The way our brains operate, honing in on repetition to forge these neural pathways that shape who we are and how we navigate the world. It's like every action, every piece of information we encounter and repeat, carves out a little more of our mental landscape. Many of us when not able to fall asleep naturally, after trying all of the tricks in the book. Counting sheep is one I always remember. One that would sometimes work for me was convincing myself I was going to have to get up for school. This was in my younger years, school wasn't one of my favourite places. When we lack success, we count the hours we've lost and could have had. You've guessed it this leaves us feeling frustrated, and anxious because of the busy day we have ahead of us and ultimately sleeping less and stressing out more. A common saying thrown around when I was growing up was 'What they don't know doesn't hurt them' I didn't always understand this but on this occasion, I agree not knowing would be helpful - there's less likelihood of us getting hung up on the numbers. Try these tricks... 1) Covering the Clock When struggling to fall asleep naturally, many of us have tried various methods without success. One classic technique is counting sheep, a fond memory for many. Personally, I sometimes tricked myself into thinking I had to wake up early for school, back when school wasn't my favourite place. When we face sleeplessness, we tend to dwell on the lost hours and what could have been. This leads to frustration, anxiety about the upcoming busy day, less sleep, and increased stress. Growing up, a common phrase I heard was 'what they don't know won't hurt them.' While I didn't always grasp its meaning, in this instance, I agree that ignorance could be bliss - it helps us avoid fixating on the time. 2) Routine rules When we are going to sleep in the evening many of us will find ourselves using our phones, or watching a movie. Some day this lighting simulates us. We might even stay up until a film ends, rush up to bed squeeze our eyes shut and hope we drop off and sharpish. Can I ask something When we get ready in the morning, we do things in order, we don't put our shoes on before our socks. When we do this, it helps our brain get prepped and ready for the day ahead. We need to do the same for getting rest. You might put your phone down and move away from any screen an hour before sleeping, having a milky drink and using relaxing scents on bedding 3) Energy to empty We sometimes find ourselves staying awake at night because we have such a busy mind, overthinking about a text we sent or the day ahead. If we use our energy to empty our minds and then pick anything we need to do tomorrow, rather than trying to sleep with a mind full. I can support you to sleep better and stress less. What is your approach. Are you a marathon kinda person or do you do life in sprint style? As a therapist I have lots of conversations with clients, sort of makes sense right because of the nature of the work. One of the most common is about them feeling better. I love these. It is one of the hopes of the job. I do approach them with curiosity though, it's all for good reason I promise. Why? Well, there are a few reasons first the power of being heard; is a space to say what needs to be said without it being filtered or checked for how PC it sounds or comes across. This is great, in many it offers such a release. We all know feelings come and go I suspect that some weeks clients' question if they still need the therapy space or if the work here is done. They feel they have what they hoped for. Clients enter the therapy room at their usual time the following week. This week it's almost like a river flowing; thoughts feelings, and frustrations that have been kept contained under the surface since our last appointment. We sit together and talk things through, and there is a chance to begin to understand some more of those hidden feelings and their impact on conversations, how we behave and how we are around other people. We have all been guilty of wanting something yesterday. That new gadget or the latest game. Almost before we even knew we wanted it. Mental health is a marathon and not a sprint. Yeah, we want to be done already, not only because some of the conversations or awareness we develop feel painful. We also all know we need to be in the mindset where we are taking care of our pennies what with the rising cost of living. I believe our mental health is something we take day by day. There will probably be days we feel more resilient, full of I've got this attitude. I don't doubt this because there are days I too have felt this. The steps we take feel easier than others, whilst on other days, the steps we take we take a lot from us. I completely understand where you're coming from Some days, we all need a safe space where we can be ourselves all the layers of protection. on other days, we feel confident and in control. It's perfectly okay to feel both vulnerable and strong, and I'm here to support you through all your ups and downs. I understand this, I get that some days it is so important to have that safe space to be totally you, vulnerable you without all of the layers of protection and others days you join me with an I've got this vibe. I've got your back - I understand that everyone has their own pace, and that sometimes we need to switch things up to better suit our needs. That's why I offer weekly, bi weekly and monthly appointments. Do you need some support with your mental health and feeling better . I can support you. When thinking about little people in our lives we give thought to needing that chill out time, to cool off and then start again what about this space as adults? I read an article about adults and their those about taking leave - having time out.. The ones who - book their time off without about a week of their new allowance to make sure they don't miss their time out. This not you? The ones who - barely take their holiday and towards the end of the year they feel like they are playing a game of Russian roulette to see how much can be squeezed into the last few weeks. Some will have the belief that rest and work-life balance are overrated, some that If we look a little deeper into what might be going on here. Are you filled with anxiety around the workload on your return or do you have that burning desire to please those around you. Finding yourself ' just checking your emails around the dining table. Those on the other side see time out as a much-needed reset with their out-of-area firmly on whatever the weather. Time off is needed for the health of all, for the health of the people and for the business What are your thoughts on this? It makes sense to me but not always easy for some of the reasons mentioned above. I am a perfectionist who is a work in progress so I always have loads left over. Personally in my day job because I work shifts I tend to have a couple of days off together so do coffee dates and catch up but it's not without knowing I need to be out and working at a set time. It's not the same as a complete switch off 'taking the helpline worker hat off, putting the laptop and computer away preferably for me in a hard-to-reach. There's lots to choose from then I hear you say. Last week I had a week off. I've taken the time to do things in environments that I thrive in. If you've seen my social media blogs. I'm an avid Crufts fan. I've socialised and even promoted therapy where I can. I've focused on eating well, resting and getting over a cold. I am feeling much brighter, ready to get back at it and face the challenges that arrive, with energy and problem-solving skills. When not giving thought to our energy, what is using it and how it can be replenished it can deplete quickly. We can get sucked into the negative energy and vibes of colleagues, who are too running on fumes. A break means we can be proactive in supporting those around us to manage their stress and build a more positive and friendly environment. A win-win Moving forward I make the following commitment 1) Book at least 2 days a month off 2) check in with me weekly - how am I emotionally where is my stress level on a scale of one to ten 3) Remind myself that time off does not need to wait until big ventures, fun-filled days or big plans 4) Bring me back to some of the memories of this week and the quieter moments when my mind has been rested What commitment will you make to time out. If you need support help getting started. Please do get in touch |
AuthorDemi Shakespeare
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